Monday, 24 August 2015

Things That Keep Me Up At Night



It's 2am. I am 24 years old. I should be in a club somewhere dancing the night away. Or at least slightly tipsy and just home from the pub. How old is too old to go to a club? I don't have many years left. Why am I not making the most of it ?! 

Should I have moved back to Newcastle after university? Would I be out tonight if I was there instead?
Would I have a better social life? All my best friends are there, and all of my very big, very close family. But there is less to do. They should all move to London. We could all live on the same street and be neighbors like the Neighbours on Ramsey Street. But then I don't want my parents to know what I'm up to all the time, so that probably wouldn't work. Is Eastenders set in a real place in London? Which tube stop is it? Houses are so much cheaper back home. I could by my very own, beautifully furnished home in a few years at home. In London I am never going to have my own flat. And I could have a car and drive places. I could do a big supermarket shop in one go and not have to buy all my food on discount from the Co-op or Tesco Express. That's pretty boring. I'm 24 for goodness sake.

Have I chosen the right career? What if I discover it isn't for me? What if I do want to leave London eventually? My job is pretty London centric and it would be pretty crap doing it anywhere else. Could I be making more money if I had done something else? Why didn't I just become an accountant for God's sake, you can do that anywhere. Would I prefer to be an account? Does being accountant pay more than what I do now? Do my friends make more money than me? I can always become an accountant later in life. But then I would have to re-train and I would probably have kids. I don't want to be studying for professional exams and have kids, sounds like a handful. Plus, the pay cut when I start over would suck. Maybe I should do a masters. 

I miss being a student. If I won the lottery I would go back to university and study something cool. Maybe I could do medicine and pretend to be Meredith Grey. I love Grey's Anatomy. But guts and stuff are pretty gross, and I hate hospital smell. Maybe I would get used to it though. But it's pretty hard getting into study medicine, I would have to do work experience and stuff. Or bribe someone. Does that work in English universities like it does on American TV shows? I would be a mature student too. Would I feel old? Would the other students realize? I do have quiet the baby face. Could I still go on student nights out or would I be the boring old one? I would also have the best flat *cue flat planning*. But then when people win the lottery there lives tend to go to shit. There are lots of documentaries about it. Would my parents get divorced? What would they do for the rest of their lives? Maybes boredom would make them do stupid stuff. I would love to help my brother out whilst he was at university. I could buy him a flat and pay his fees and buy him a car. But then what if he had too much money and too much spare time and ended up getting seriously into drugs? What if he drunk drove his car? Or just tried to show off speeding and crashed it and he died? I don't think I should buy my brother a car.

I need a haircut. I wish I had a friend who was a hairdresser and could do it for me. And a friend who is a tailor so they could tailor all my clothes. I need new clothes. But I need to lose weight first. I refuse to go up a size. My mam was really skinny when she was my age. I need to go to the gym tomorrow.

-Ko

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